And thats a no.....

Okay, so I was too excited Friday and decided to do a test Friday night - totally stupid I know - and I knew at the time, but I did it anyway.

Of course it came back BFN, and even though I knew it was too soon to show anything, my heart sunk a little anyway.

I'd been getting more and more symptoms that were pointing "in the right direction". My boobs are seemingly bigger and the aereolas darker (even hubby commented). I've been so tired I've needed Nanna naps in the afternoon, I've been ravenous and eating everything in sight....but now I know it was all most likely AF symptoms.

She still hasn't arrived yet, AF that is. She was due today but that means nothing anymore.

I tested again yesterday, 14 or 15 days past ovulation so definately should've returned a result if I was pregnant.

I'm not.

Another BFN. I think I'm okay.

I am still holding out hope that there is a chance this month. Perhaps I've ovulated later than I thought. My cycle hasn't exactly been reliable and has been more like 32 days instead of 28. If thats the case I might get another HPT and test on the weekend.

If thats another BFN, well, just try again next month.

I thought I'd be more devastated and to be honest, I did have a bit of a cry yesterday thinking that perhaps another baby is just not on the cards for us.

But of course, I wont give up hope until I have a REAL reason to. There are so many pathways to take before I get to feel those feelings mentioned above.

I found out another friend of ours is pregnant. I am so bloody happy for her! She has endometriosis and took 18 months to fall with her first, after being told she couldnt have children. The new bubba didn't take as long but is still a miracle all the same.

While feeling somewhat jealous of her, I also look to her as a source of inspiration. If she can do it, so can I.

Meanwhile, I am adoring my little girl even more. She is so precious and its amazing how I feel so lucky to have her now.

I took falling pregnant for granted....I will never make that mistake again.