I am 95% sure that I have ovulated (yesterday) and the best thing was hubby and I BD at lunchtime so we *should have* got that little egglett!
However, I know this is totally a fairy tale and totally unrealistic thinking. But I just have that air of confidence and I ain't letting go now!
I am currently at CD13 (cycle day 13) so I am officially in the 2 week wait (2ww) if I take yesterdays cramping as ovulation.
Forgive my lingo, it is just so much easier to write with these shortcuts especially after posting in online forums. 2ww pretty much means the wait I have from now until I can do a HPT or AF shows up, whichever comes first.
Thinking has been in overdrive. I am already thinking what I will need when it comes to the next bub. Well, perhaps not what I NEED, but what I would like to have.
The first is a Phil & Teds pram. As I will have a newborn and a small toddler, I think this would be a good investment (and an expensive one at that!). I like the look of the newest P&T but at over $850 a pop, I am not sure this is the one I will be getting!!
Secondly, I am investing in the best breast pump money can buy. Breastfeeding next time around will NOT be an issue. I am not going to let it be.
Failing in breastfeeding Ella was such a hard time for me. I know I could've done a lot better, done a lot more, been that little bit more patient/stronger/wiser and I will be damned if I will let that amazing experience get away from me for a second time.
When I gave up BF Ella, I was very hard on myself. The child health nurse (CHN), my mother and my doctor seemed to think that this pressure was put on me by society. By being the "right thing to do" nowadays, but the simple fact of that matter is - I WANTED TO BREASTFEED MY BABY.
It didn't matter what anyone else said. If the "norm" was bottle feeding I'd still have wanted to BF. It was something I looked forward to as a mother, something I wanted to do with all my heart. And yet, when I was doing it, I threw it away as if it were nothing. Damn PND to hell.
I had a bit of a scary moment a few days ago. I had 5 minutes to actually think about what it was we were doing. Was I really ready? Did I have some sort of glamorous picture in my head about pregnancy/childbirth/raising a newborn? Did I really know what I was getting myself into?
Truth is, I guess you never really realise what it is you are getting yourself into. It's part of the excitement, the buzz. All I know is I long to be able to experience it all again and to give my daughter a play buddy.
Everything else comes after that. It has to. Otherwise if I concentrate too much on the morning sickness, the millions of bloodtests, the contractions, the burning toilet experiences, the sleepless nights, the sore boobs, it honestly wouldn't be as appealing.
Instead I think of the excitement of that BIG FAT POSITIVE, the tentative steps towards telling family and friends, the first ultrasound, hearing the heartbeat each doctors visit, the excitement of first contractions, that first cuddle, that first feed - THE FIRSTS.
I think they make it all worth it. That, and having something as wonderful as this to treasure always.
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