And they're off....

The casts have been removed.

We went to the physio today as it was time to change them and get another pretty new colour.

Ella didn't like the saw and cried a lot. I think it was because Grandma was there and she felt she needed to put on a show.

Anyhoo, within 2 seconds of having them off and walking around the physio put her head in her hands and said "Oh no, they've made it worse!"

Okay, red flag.

So we take Ella for a walk around the physio department, outside, back in to wash her stinky feet that hadn't been washed in 5 days (yuk!) and then into the physio's offices where she tells me to take a seat.

Red flag. She never tells me to sit down (prefers me to help out with Ella's exercising)

After a few stretches, plays on the trampoline and general pondering she turns to me and says she won't be putting the casts back on as they seem to have made the toe walking worse (yep, heard you the first time!).

She then went on to say that she is referring us to the paediatrican as she believes that the toe-walking could be neurological.

At first I didn't understand and asked her what she meant. She skipped around the question (red flag) and mumbled something about blocked nerve-ways, misfiring nerve signals and some other random crap.

Okay. So we left the physio, me somewhat confused and Ella happy at the prospect of running up the hallway with no lumps of plaster stuck on the ends of her legs.

Upon arriving home and putting Ella down for her afternoon nap, I jumped on the net and typed into Google "toe walking neurological".......

Basically what I've found is the physio was going ass about breakfast trying to tell me that she's worried Ella's toe walking is caused by Cerebral Palsy or a muscular dystrophy.

Alarm bells.

So I know I shouldn't have Googled it and I shouldn't be worrying about anything until we see the Paed (Friday) but I can't help it.

I went on to try and research some more about toe walking in general and I have found that there are two more common causes. One is known as idiopathic, and from what I can work out this means that there is no known cause, and the other is Spastic Dipelgia Cerebral Palsy.

I'd say the physio thought, at first, Ella's was Idiopathic and now, after today, seems to think that there may be more to it seeing as the serial casting hasn't helped at all.

So I am here freaking out a little but knowing I shouldn't until I know more.

I feel so crap. Here I am trying to conceive a new baby when it seems my body couldn't even make the first one properly! I know how horrible that sounds but I feel like I've failed her. She's had so much to deal with in her short life so far and even though I know it could be much worse, I still hate the fact she's had to deal with a lot of things that other children her age haven't.

I love her so much and it breaks my heart to think of what may be ahead.

Bring on Friday so we can get some more answers.