It sneaked up on me....

AF that is.

How totally crap that the month I decide to not really take much notice of AF, she turns up early for a freakin' change??

I am so bloody over it. I have tried the "I am so consumed by this" approach and the "I couldn't care less" approach, and I have to confess that the latter is so much worse.

I tried not to calculate the days - When did I ovulate? Am I in the 2ww yet? Is AF due?

I guess being less 'caring' meant I was less prepared for another failed attempt. This is our 8th month now. We've been TTC nearly as long as it would take to bake a bubby so if I had've fallen pregnant straight away, I'd be at the "hurry up and be here already" stage.

But I didn't....and I'm not.

I didn't realise how much it was possible to despise ones body. There is nothing I love about it apart from the fact that it managed to nurture and give birth to my beautiful little girl. Other than that, it is a completely useless piece of crap that I'd happily trade in for a new one that works.

If only it were that easy.

My parents had a BBQ last night for their anniversary and I told my mum that AF had arrived again. I told her that this is 8 months now and she was suprised. I don't think she realised just how long we'd be trying.

Even mentioning it to hubby had him thinking - he told me he didn't realise how long it's taking too, until I mention it in months to him. Maybe I should stop counting, it doesn't do me any good.

There was a family friend at this BBQ. She is 12 years old and has already been diagnosed with PCOS. I so feel for her. She is overweight and always has been and she has such little self esteem because of it. I just want to give her a huge hug and tell her it isnt her fault, and she is beautiful.

I only hope that when the day comes for her to start a family, that fate will deal her cards in her favour and give her a break.