It is always late at night, when I've put down the laptop, thrown my extra pillow on the floor, snuggled up under the rug with my eyes closed that the questions come.
Am I doing the right thing in TTC another baby?
Should I lose weight first? Will that make any difference?
Is this going to be a long term thing? Should I see my doctor about getting some help? Should I even worry yet - do I have the right to?
These are usually the surface questions that will float around willy-nilly all day until I have time to pick them from the air to ponder during these late night question sessions.
But there are the deeper questions, those that arise from the surface questions.
Perhaps I am not falling pregnant because I don't deserve another baby yet? Do I need to become a better mother to the child I have first? Is this a test of my willpower to see if I could handle another child?
A lot of this probably won't make sense to anyone else but me. Which is okay, this is my blog and I guess that people who are reading are just flies on the wall.
It is so hard not being able to share this with anyone in real life, apart from my DH. My mum knows we're TTC but we never really speak heart to heart anyway, so I don't share with her either.
My mind feels all over the place today and I am sure I will read back on this post and think WTF was I on about.
Gonna stop here now.
What started out as a TTC blog has now turned into a wonderful journey of motherhood. This is my story, a million times different to anyone elses but yet similar all the same.
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