So proud of my man!!

Saturday night was the annual Streetstock Shootout for Geraldton Speedway. As it was also the end meet of a series for Streetstock drivers all over WA, the big guns of the Streetstock division were also in town.

My hubby has raced speedway ever since he was 10 years old. He had a break for a few years once he met me but after while he got itchy feet and started building a newer, better car.

He raced last season but decided to take it easy as he didn't know how to handle this faster car (Streetstock has now been allowed to use fuel-injected cars in the last year or two) and after a crash that nearly broke his collar bone on his second or third meeting.

He managed to walk away with 3rd on points and Best Presented car last season despite this.

A fortnight ago, speedway started up again. Hubby did an amazing job with two firsts, a second and he was leading the feature before he burst a tyre.

He was very nervous for this meeting, the Streetstock Shootout, but after last meeting, I didn't think he had any reason to be - and I was right!!

The first race of the night he managed to come from 5th position to win after an AMAZING race against WA #1 and a few other big guns. He managed a second for the next race and first again for the third which started him in second position for the feature. Along side WA#1 and WA#2 behind him.

The feature laps was 30 laps and it was amazing that there was only 1 restart!! The visiting drivers are known for trying to get away with a bit of roughness but it was a great night all round!

DH managed to finish third after the guy in second place held up the rest of the field for nearly a whole lap. Hubby's car looks a bit worse for wear as he basically pushed the car in second place around the track!!

I am so very proud of him!! He's managed to come back this season with such a bang! He had guys coming up to him and congratulating him on a fantastic drive and asking whether he'd put a new motor in it! They couldn't believe it was the same car from last season.

Another good thing came from this meeting. Beforehand, DH never really spoke much to the visiting drivers, they were the competition I guess and they'd never speak to him really either. But up at the bar that night, they were all talking and getting along like they'd been mates for years.

I am really happy for him!

The ugly witch....

...is here again.

AF arrived this morning.

After a lovely (but busy) weekend again, I am coming back to reality and to what is "at hand" for our TTC business.

AF is nearly 2 weeks late. I tested again on Saturday and again, BFN. I was holding out all hope that perhaps my cycle was extra long this month (still talking September cycle here) and that I have been testing too early. If that is the case, I should be able to safely test now and get a result either way.

I am going to see my doctor for a blood test. I am sick of being up in the air - am I/aren't I? There's still a chance - or is there??

It's starting to really get to me. I am starting to be able to handle all the BFN, it's the complete lack of AF that is getting to me and making me want to just cry. I guess it's just proof again and again that my cycle really is stuffed up - perhaps I don't even ovulate at all??

I am scared of going to the doctors for the BT. For the simple fact is I will have to face the fact that the PCOS really could be fucking things up. I guess it's the prospect of taking the next step that frightens me. We will no longer be doing it on our own, we will have medical advice.

How stupid does that sound??

Anyway. That's where I am at.

A post from an online forum I visit

" I am currently on CD38 (AF is a "week" late) and no sign of AF.

My boobs are sore and hot, I have been so tired it isnt funny but they're about the only 'symptoms' I have and I know enough about my body to realise that this could be quite normal for my body pre-AF.

I did a HPT last Wednesday which was BFN, and then again on Thursday morning (coz I thought FMU would provide a different result ) which was also negative.

Fast forward to this morning, I used FMU for a First Response HPT. At first I thought it was negative - there was no definate line after the required time and there seemed to be dye still running across the strip. I checked a few times in the space of about 10 mins and the dye was still running across the strip but no definate line.

I checked it again after about 30-40mins and there is a very, very, very faint line. So faint it won't even show up on a camera but DH confirmed it was there and I'm not seeing things!!

I know in all reality it is probably an evap line (it's pink though?) and that the test shouldn't be read after the amount of time it says but I can't help but wonder whether I didn't dip the stick for long enough and perhaps this is why the dye took so long to cross the panel, making it hard to see this faint line??

WDYT? I know I should just get another HPT but perhaps someone could shed some light on whether this is an evap line or not?

ETA: Just thought I'd add that I know that if it IS a positive result that it shoud be a lot darker given that AF is technically late. Does anyone know when the latest you can ovulate is?? "

AF still hasn't arrived yet....6 days and counting....



Everything else here is well. We're just about to go to the physio. I am not sure, but I think this week we're getting the plastic cast things (not sure what they're called) that can be taken on and off.



Little miss fell and split her lip open at Grandma's last night. Poor thing! There was blood everywhere. It's a little swollen today and looks a bit sore but she's fine.



We had a great weekend. It was soooo busy that both Ella and I slept soundly Sunday night!



First of all we had speedway on Saturday night. My mum was supposed to look after Ella but because she had an asthma attack the night before I decided to take her with us and give mum a chance to recouperate. Ella behaved very well! She did as she was told and was asleep by 7.30pm.



Duane did really well too! His racing was awesome! Two 1sts, a 2nd and he was leading it in the feature race when he blew a tyre and had to get off onto the infield. Another driving smashed into the side of him on the corner and busted all the side up too but Duane was more annoyed at the tyre!



Sunday we had a lunch with the in-laws and family. It was good but I spent a lot of the time inside with Ella trying to put her to sleep after lunch. She finally went to sleep but only for an hour or so.



That afternoon we went to Duane's brothers house with my brother and his family. They have a Wii and Wii Fit and I think I've convinced Duane to get us one!! YaY!



So yes, that was our weekend, very busy! And I feel bad because we didn't spend much of it with Dad (none at all really) and he went back to work today. Will have to remember to send him a few emails.

AF still hasn't arrived. It's MIA again and it seriously bothers me.

How freaking nasty can life get? As if it wasn't enough to get two BFN now I have to deal with the irregular cycles again.

Seriously thinking of seeing my doctor. I think I'm going to need some help.


Not a lot going on in life at the moment. Hubby starts back at speedway tomorrow night and whilst I am excited at having something to do every fortnight, I am also a bit scared for him!

People often ask me if I get scared when he's racing and I do! I know I shouldn't - he's been racing since he was 10 years old, but it is still scary!

I've gotten the ball rolling on pit-crew shirts that I promised him for his birthday 2 months ago. Hopefully they will be finished by the time the Streetstock Shootout (big race-meeting for Duanes division) comes around in 2 weeks time.

Other than that, not a lot is happening. Starting to think about Christmas and getting organised. We are doing a (not-so) Secret Santa with my family this year. It will be easier than having to buy for 5-6+ people. I think they're starting to realise its about the kids now. It is both Ella and Keane (my nephews) 2nd Christmas but because they were both so young last year (Ella 9 months and Keane only a few weeks old) this year will be good!

Can't wait!!

Only hoping we wont be in Perth for Ella's tests.

Refer to last post.....

....to witness how amazingly dim-witted some people can be......

Negative.

Fucking great.

Two Pee's in a Pod

I've just come back from town after putting a summer clothes layby on for Ella.

I bought 2 HPT while I was down there....

There staring me in the face just willing me to open them and do the deed.

I can't.

For one, I promised hubby I'd wait until he was home before I tested and two, I'm half frozen with fear of another BFN. After all that has happened this month with Ella, I don't know how I am going to handle seeing just one line.

I have all my hopes pinned on this cycle being our cycle. I don't know why but everything just feels so....can't think of the word, but I feel so confident.

My boobs are huge and are very hot. I've been nauseas and having the worst sleepless nights (I know, could be stress yada yada) and finally, there have been weird little flutterings deep in my tummy.

Hardly going to be baby movements if I am pregnant, but the fact that its unusual (and I am feeling it) is hopeful to start with.

I am so anxious I feel like jumping up and down, but the modest and realistic side of me is preventing me from doing that.

How am I going to feel if this month is another failed attempt? After pinning my hopes on being successful and leaning towards the mindset of perhaps I am pregnant?

I guess I will know in T minus 2.5hrs.....and silently counting.

Wish us luck!

Breaking my heart in two....

Been in a bit of a dark place the last few days but I'm trying so hard to see the sunny side of things. Here's the latest:

Saw the paed on Friday. He found it quite impressive (his words) that Ella was up on her toes like she was. He asked about her developmental milestones and she's hitting all those quite fine. He asked about any troubles with her birth and I mentioned that she was born blue and had breathing difficulties and he mentioned that her toe-walking could have something to do with that.

I suppose if the part of her brain controlling the muscles/nerves etc were damaged during birth then it's a possibility that it is causing the toe-walking.

He also mentioned that the toe walking could be Cerebral Palsy, like I feared. He said if it is CP, that it's only affecting her legs. Which I guess is good.

We've been referred to a neurologist in Perth, a MRI at PMH and botox injections in her legs. This will all be happening in 2-3 months time, the wait to get in to PMH down there. So we're looking at being in Perth around Christmas time.

So as I thought, no closer to any answers but also a new aspect to look at (birth problems).

We went back to the physio today too. She tried to make up these weird little plastic cast thingo's and Ella just SPAT IT. She's realising that physio means pain, and it's so sad. Usually Tasch (physio) is so patient with her but today she wasn't. Whilst trying to fit these lumps of plastic to Ella's legs during bouts of screaming, she said "well you shouldn't walk on tip-toes should you Ella?"

That made me angry. For starters, I thought we'd established that Ella DOESN'T do it out of habit. And secondly, she was the one to refer us to the paed because she thinks its neurological, in which case ELLA CAN'T HELP IT.

Ella cried 99% of the time because she was so scared. It broke my heart to hear her cries and I had to hold her still. She had big fat tears rolling down her cheeks.

I guess after the casts she's just had enough. I've had enough.

I've been wondering if I'm doing the right thing by putting her through it all. Is it really such a bad thing that she walks on her toes? Maybe she WILL grow out of it in her own time.

So that's where we're at with Ella.

TTC:

Well AF was due either Saturday or this coming Wednesday. If it were Saturday its late, and if it's Wednesday, only 2-3 more days until testing. Fingers crossed.

Repetition

A weird title I know.

Ella has a toy out that is repeating the same songs over and over again - I think the button is stuck but I can't be bothered getting up to stop it.

It reminds me of how my thoughts have been lately. It seems I have the same few things just buzzing around taking turns in coming to the front of my mind. It's driving me quite balmy.

Ella's paediatrican appointment is at 1.15pm and right now its only 11.47am. I somehow have to find something to do for that time because I just can't stop worrying.


In reality I know we won't know much more even after the appointment. It's not as if we will automatically know if her toe-walking is neurological or not. I'd say there will be a whole barrage of tests to be done, most of which will probably need to be done in Perth because our 'hospital' runs on smoke and mirrors.

I don't want to go to Perth again. I don't want the appointments here and there and the waiting and the not knowing and the freaking out.

But I do know I want my baby to be happy and healthy and I guess what is freaking me out the most, is I don't know if she is healthy.

I know she is happy. She's been running around like crazy now her casts are off and she laughs a million times a day, its such a beautiful thing to see - like nothing else matters in the world.

I guess this appointment could signal the end of that. The start of the worrying again.

I realised I haven't clarified what I mean by that so here is a little snippet from Ella's life.

When she was a few weeks old my dad noticed that she would only ever turn her head to one side. I didn't think much of it until a few weeks later at the Child health Nurse (CHN) she also mentioned something. I guess because she had always been like it, I didn't notice so much but they were right. Ella would only turn her head to the right and she had quite a noticable tilt.

Anyway, we were referred to a physio who diagnosed a muscle condition called Torticollis. It is quite a rare condition that basically meant that the muscles on her left side of her neck were shortened.

We continued with the physio for a while before I decided to just do the exercises at home. At around 7 months old the CHN sent us back to the physio because Ella was starting to get quite a flat spot on her head as the exercises weren't working. We continued with quite a busy physio/exercise regime for months until at 10 months old the physio told us she believed Ella would need surgery to release the muscle that was causing her problems.

After blood tests and X-Rays to determine whether or not the flat spot (plagiocephally) was dangerous to her development (it wasn't, thank God) we book appointments in Perth to see a plastic surgeon.

At just 13 months old Ella underwent the op at Princess Margaret Hospital and today you can hardly tell she ever had a problem.

Even though I knew it was worth it in the end, I still feel a child as young as she is shouldn't have to go through what she has. I know there are children out there that go through a million times worse (and I thank my lucky stars EVERYDAY that my little girl is healthy) but it still hurts to think that she's needed so much intervention (physio, surgery, blood tests, x-rays) already in her short life.

It makes me wonder what is to come.

Only 1 hour and 15 minutes until some more questions are answered.