Repetition

A weird title I know.

Ella has a toy out that is repeating the same songs over and over again - I think the button is stuck but I can't be bothered getting up to stop it.

It reminds me of how my thoughts have been lately. It seems I have the same few things just buzzing around taking turns in coming to the front of my mind. It's driving me quite balmy.

Ella's paediatrican appointment is at 1.15pm and right now its only 11.47am. I somehow have to find something to do for that time because I just can't stop worrying.


In reality I know we won't know much more even after the appointment. It's not as if we will automatically know if her toe-walking is neurological or not. I'd say there will be a whole barrage of tests to be done, most of which will probably need to be done in Perth because our 'hospital' runs on smoke and mirrors.

I don't want to go to Perth again. I don't want the appointments here and there and the waiting and the not knowing and the freaking out.

But I do know I want my baby to be happy and healthy and I guess what is freaking me out the most, is I don't know if she is healthy.

I know she is happy. She's been running around like crazy now her casts are off and she laughs a million times a day, its such a beautiful thing to see - like nothing else matters in the world.

I guess this appointment could signal the end of that. The start of the worrying again.

I realised I haven't clarified what I mean by that so here is a little snippet from Ella's life.

When she was a few weeks old my dad noticed that she would only ever turn her head to one side. I didn't think much of it until a few weeks later at the Child health Nurse (CHN) she also mentioned something. I guess because she had always been like it, I didn't notice so much but they were right. Ella would only turn her head to the right and she had quite a noticable tilt.

Anyway, we were referred to a physio who diagnosed a muscle condition called Torticollis. It is quite a rare condition that basically meant that the muscles on her left side of her neck were shortened.

We continued with the physio for a while before I decided to just do the exercises at home. At around 7 months old the CHN sent us back to the physio because Ella was starting to get quite a flat spot on her head as the exercises weren't working. We continued with quite a busy physio/exercise regime for months until at 10 months old the physio told us she believed Ella would need surgery to release the muscle that was causing her problems.

After blood tests and X-Rays to determine whether or not the flat spot (plagiocephally) was dangerous to her development (it wasn't, thank God) we book appointments in Perth to see a plastic surgeon.

At just 13 months old Ella underwent the op at Princess Margaret Hospital and today you can hardly tell she ever had a problem.

Even though I knew it was worth it in the end, I still feel a child as young as she is shouldn't have to go through what she has. I know there are children out there that go through a million times worse (and I thank my lucky stars EVERYDAY that my little girl is healthy) but it still hurts to think that she's needed so much intervention (physio, surgery, blood tests, x-rays) already in her short life.

It makes me wonder what is to come.

Only 1 hour and 15 minutes until some more questions are answered.