So I got the letter in the mail confirming my appointment at KEMH the other day. It kinda reaffirmed the fact that it really does look like I'm heading south to have this baby.

The appointment was made for this Friday (WTF?) so I've had to ring up and cancel and make another at a more suitable time. Hubby has to get the time off work to take me, not to mention the fact that we were trying to get Ella's appointment at PMH Mobility Clinic for the same day.

Anyway, so I was on the phone to the (cranky) lady at KEMH and she proceeded to tell me that I cannot get an afternoon appointment, they only do mornings.

Well.Fucking.Great.

So the latest appointment I can have is for 10.15am, which means that we will have to leave at some horrible hour of the morning in order to make my appointment. Duane can only get the one day off (was hoping to drive down Friday, appointment Friday arvo, stay the night and drive back Saturday) so it's going to be such a rush.

I am so bloody annoyed at the whole damn thing. All this hassle for a bloody antenatal appointment. At a hospital I don't even WANT TO BIRTH AT, but alas, I have NO CHOICE IN THE MATTER. God I am fuming.

Where is the compassion for us rural patients that have to travel just to give birth to our babies, at a hospital we've never been to before, hundreds of kilometres from our homes, family and friends?

Where has the choice gone for a women to birth where she'd like to? Gosh, I'd have the damn thing at home if I had the confidence to.

I really am irate at the moment. My mind is muddled from frustration.

I am just PRAYING TO GOD that I lose this weight and keep it off. God, please give me the strength.

A weighty issue

I must admit, I feel so very embarrassed when having to tell people I have been referred to a hospital in Perth to have the baby because I am too fat to have it here.

Most will often look a tad uncomfortable having asked the question in the first place, and a lot will just laugh and say "Oh don't be silly, you're not that big!"

They don't realise that it is actually true and I am not trying to have a light dig at my weight. I am too big to have my baby here. Hospitals orders.

A measly 3kgs is the difference between having my child here, amongst family and friends or 500kms in the middle of a large city where I feel uncomfortable at the best of times.

My husband told his mother about it yesterday and despite the fact that I don't want it to be taboo, at the same time I really am pissed off that he told her. I have barely got my (bright red) head around it myself and he has told his mum - who in turn will tell just about everyone in Geraldton as soon as she opens her mouth.

I haven't even told my mother yet. And I feel so ashamed.

I have looked into diets to help me lose those three kilos and hopefully keep them off for the next 19 weeks. But as much as I don't want to go to Perth I wonder whether it would be the best place for me and my baby to be. Given that it is likely the baby will be born above the 97% centile.

As I said in my last entry - I am really hoping to avoid complications like I had with Ella. I couldn't forgive myself if I hurt another baby.

Any attempt I make with my doctor to tell her about my fears seem somewhat "dismissed" and I am told that statistically, second babies are smaller than firsts. But the growth of this little one already is contradicting what she's said.

I guess only time will tell how this will all pan out. Patience is a virtue and one I seem not to have.

A small update, sort of.

Well, aren't I just the best blogger ever? Haha, so much for updating my now-pregnancy-blog.

Since my last post we've had a few appointments and scans for bub. I had a blood test at 17 weeks (I think) for alpha-fetal protein and all seems to be well there apparently (yay!) and my scan at 19 weeks.

Baby is 100% healthy so far and is growing well - perhaps a little TOO well...

It is still measuring a week ahead for dates which is scaring me, to be honest. I am kind of worried about having another big baby, or even worse - a baby BIGGER than what Ella was.

I was quite upset about it on the day after finding out, so I wrote this on an online forum I go to:

I had my 19 week ultrasound this morning.

I was feeling quietly confident that this baby was not going to be as big as it was at my 12 week, where it was measuring a week ahead in dates.

I've not felt movements as strong as I did with Ella, my bump, although big to look at, really isn't that big.

I've been avoiding sweet foods, on advice from my doctor. I have the occassional blow out (maybe once a week) because all I seem to crave this time around is sugary foods!

Anyway. Back to ultrasound.
Everything went well regarding baby's health. I am really happy about that. However baby is still measuring a week ahead in size.

Now I know that the dates can be out and it's not a big deal. But I looked back through all Ella's old ultrasounds and her growth was exactly the same (always a week ahead) and she was born 9lbs 9oz. I am holding out hope that this baby's growth evens out.

Although I know in my heart that is probably not going to happen. The thing that has me so worried is the fact that I don't think I could birth a bigger baby without doing it damage.

Ella got stuck and I was pushing for two hours trying to get her out. She was just about to be sucked out (ventouse) when I gave birth to her - and she was blue. She needed oxygen and stimulation. We're still yet to find out whether the has any brain damage or has Cerebral Palsy due to all this.

I don't think I could take that sort of risk with this baby - I know differently now.

If I know it's going to be bigger I don't have the confidence in myself to do it without thinking I'm going to end up causing this baby damage too and I just know that will impact on my confidence.

I know that all births are different and that I should just wait and see how things go but with all this hanging over my head, it's really hard to be positive about it all.

I'm sorry to ramble - my head is all over the place at the moment.

So yeah, obviously a bit freaked out! I'm feeling a lot better now. I am kinda of the opinion that I've done it before, I can do it again. As long as my care providers know exactly what my worries are, then all should be well. I hope.

Aside from all that, it seems as though my OWN weight is a problem too. I am pretty much on the weight threshold for our town despite losing 3kgs already this pregnancy. I've been referred to King Edward Memorial Hospital (KEMH) to have my baby - unless I can manage to lose around 3kgs and KEEP IT OFF.

Wow, I started this post with the intention of updating in depth but my mind has just gone to mush....maybe I should come back later!

The Great Baby Gear Debate

1 day away from being 17 weeks and I am already throwing myself into research regarding baby gear shopping!!

There are just so many options out there and I am really at a loss as to which way I want to go.

(1) First of all, whilst I've ALWAYS wanted a Phil & Teds Sport (you may remember my dribbling over it when TTC). DH even gave me the go ahead to put the $700 pram and doubles kit on layby but.....

I've found a few other options that are a little less expensive and more 'baby friendly'.

(2) I was pondering the pluses of using a sling again like we did with Ella. Granted it wasn't for very long as she out-grew it quickly. It'd save us money by not having to purchase a new pram and Ella could keep her stroller for as long as she needs it.

And to compliment the above, I was contemplating buying the Safe n Sound Unity baby capsule (3)for baby to use for the first 6 months to make sure that Ella is, indeed, ready for the booster we've put on layby. And a bonus of doing this is that the capsule will fit onto our existing stroller without having to buy a new one to accomodate bub (it doesn't fully recline).

However, each of these options have their negatives.

For example:

1) Price. Whilst I know it will be money well spent I am also finding it hard to justify that sort of money for just a pram. And I do not know how long Ella will need a pram for so perhaps a bit of overkill (even though the P&T is light enough to use as a stroller with new bub)

2) The sling idea with a toddler as well may not work out so well unless Ella is in a stroller too. The sling will not be a long term thing as I'm sure bub will outgrow it soon and I'm not sure how long I could carry around a big bub for.

3) I cannot really see a negative with this apart from the fact that if Ella needs a sleep or gets tired of walking, there is no seat for her. This is where the P&T was so appealing.

If it were a perfect world I'd get the P&T and the capsule but then there is not much point in having the stroller. Or the capsule for that matter.....

A few other things I've been pondering getting:

*A glider chair for breastfeeding
*An electric breastpump to ensure best breastfeeding relationship possible this time around!

I've also been stocking up on new MCN (modern cloth nappies). I've chosen a brand called Baby Beehinds which are a one-size-fits-all (OSFA) fitted nappy. Fitted basically means that they need a cover. I've also invested in some terry toweling flats (old fashioned cloth nappies) and was tempted to try those out on the newborn. If that fails they can be used as burp cloths :)

I have quite a lot of MCN from when Ella was younger but they're all mediums and mostly girly so they could become redundant if the next bub is a boy!

Speaking of which. I think DH and I have decided what we're going to do regarding finding out the sex of bub. Our next scan is on the 12th March so we don't have too much longer to decide!!

I have offered the suggestion of this:

I find out what bub is but he doesn't. He doesn't really want to but I kind of do. So this way, it'll still be very exciting that one of us will have the suprise of finding out at the birth.

So this is the plan for now but we'll see if it changes in the next few weeks.

PREGNANCY BLOG

So I know I haven't been updating this thing and keeping any followers I may have informed after our BFP but I just feel as though this is our TTC blog - it almost feels wrong to continue it as a pregnancy blog.

Seeing as I am lazy and can't be bothered starting a new blog and linking it to this one, I've decided to start writing in this one from now on (when I remember of course!)

So I am now 16 weeks and 2 days. It seems to have flown by amid the busy schedule myself and Ella have taken on, not to mention the days that seemed to run into one another due to the horrid morning sickness I've suffered.

I know that there are worse cases but suffering from nausea and some vomiting since 5 weeks and still every now and then takes a lot of energy out of a pregnant woman!

I only suffered for a month at most with Ella but this bub has been different already. I've even had to resort to Maxolon, an anti-nausea pill safe to take in pregnancy!

We had our first scan at around 6 weeks (thought I was 7w but we were out by a week) and saw the beautiful little heart beating away. It was the tiniest little blob and the heart beat was a tiny flicker in amidst.

We also found out that my husbands brother and his wife were expecting too. Originally we thought they were the same gestation as us but turns out she is nearly a whole month ahead!! Fancy not realising you're pregnant until 13weeks!! It happens often apparently but after our journey with TTC it is very hard to imagine.

We had another scan at 12 weeks as well as our first trimester screening blood tests. All tests came back well and bub has a very low chance of any defects that the 1st TS test picks up.

It was like de ja vu all over again when the sonographer told us bub was measuring a week ahead already!! He was quite rude and abrubt about my weight (the only negative person so far) and I felt really uncomfortable. He referred to Ella as "it" when I told him she'd been a big bub - "Did you have IT here in Geraldton? I'm VERY suprised they LET you".....ummmmm??

We didn't even get to hear baby's heart beat which I didn't realise until after we'd left. So suffice to say, after spending $200 on the bloods and scans, I will not be going back to the private hospital for tests from now on.

I had a doctors appointment the other day in which I got to hear baby's heartbeat. All is going very well at 155bpm, bubs heart rate is good. My fundas (a measurement taken from top of uterus to pubic bone) height was spot on for dates though so perhaps baby's growth is slowing down?

I have another scan in a few weeks time where we can possibly find out the sex of bub. I am in two minds about finding out because on the one hand I am curious to know so I can be 'prepared' if it's a boy - something about needing to be in control perhaps? And on the other hand I LOVED (in the end) the fact that we couldn't find out with Ella and finding out her sex when she was born. I might get them to write it down so DH and I can mull it over a bit more.

Other than all this, everything is pretty boring. I have been feeling movements since about 12/13 weeks. It's very early apparently but I felt Ella at 14w. And maybe due to the fact that I have big bubs and (apparently) my uterus tilts makes it easier? Who knows.

Well I hope this is a big enough update for everyone :) Until next time!