A small update, sort of.

Well, aren't I just the best blogger ever? Haha, so much for updating my now-pregnancy-blog.

Since my last post we've had a few appointments and scans for bub. I had a blood test at 17 weeks (I think) for alpha-fetal protein and all seems to be well there apparently (yay!) and my scan at 19 weeks.

Baby is 100% healthy so far and is growing well - perhaps a little TOO well...

It is still measuring a week ahead for dates which is scaring me, to be honest. I am kind of worried about having another big baby, or even worse - a baby BIGGER than what Ella was.

I was quite upset about it on the day after finding out, so I wrote this on an online forum I go to:

I had my 19 week ultrasound this morning.

I was feeling quietly confident that this baby was not going to be as big as it was at my 12 week, where it was measuring a week ahead in dates.

I've not felt movements as strong as I did with Ella, my bump, although big to look at, really isn't that big.

I've been avoiding sweet foods, on advice from my doctor. I have the occassional blow out (maybe once a week) because all I seem to crave this time around is sugary foods!

Anyway. Back to ultrasound.
Everything went well regarding baby's health. I am really happy about that. However baby is still measuring a week ahead in size.

Now I know that the dates can be out and it's not a big deal. But I looked back through all Ella's old ultrasounds and her growth was exactly the same (always a week ahead) and she was born 9lbs 9oz. I am holding out hope that this baby's growth evens out.

Although I know in my heart that is probably not going to happen. The thing that has me so worried is the fact that I don't think I could birth a bigger baby without doing it damage.

Ella got stuck and I was pushing for two hours trying to get her out. She was just about to be sucked out (ventouse) when I gave birth to her - and she was blue. She needed oxygen and stimulation. We're still yet to find out whether the has any brain damage or has Cerebral Palsy due to all this.

I don't think I could take that sort of risk with this baby - I know differently now.

If I know it's going to be bigger I don't have the confidence in myself to do it without thinking I'm going to end up causing this baby damage too and I just know that will impact on my confidence.

I know that all births are different and that I should just wait and see how things go but with all this hanging over my head, it's really hard to be positive about it all.

I'm sorry to ramble - my head is all over the place at the moment.

So yeah, obviously a bit freaked out! I'm feeling a lot better now. I am kinda of the opinion that I've done it before, I can do it again. As long as my care providers know exactly what my worries are, then all should be well. I hope.

Aside from all that, it seems as though my OWN weight is a problem too. I am pretty much on the weight threshold for our town despite losing 3kgs already this pregnancy. I've been referred to King Edward Memorial Hospital (KEMH) to have my baby - unless I can manage to lose around 3kgs and KEEP IT OFF.

Wow, I started this post with the intention of updating in depth but my mind has just gone to mush....maybe I should come back later!